I have no doubt in my mind that i have my mother to thank for the way i turned out.
It all began when i was still in the womb and she chose my name.
I am sure that you are all familiar with Jenifer Beals in the film Flashdance, if your not than you should be ashamed. My mother named me after Jenifer Beal's character who was a welder by day and a stripper by night. If that is not setting a standard for your un-born child i dont know what is.
She used to teach me answers to certain questions, so when her friends asked me the questions (which were always prompted by my mum) i would give the desired answer, keep in mind i was four.
Q.What is your favourite perfume? A. Channel No. 5
Q.Who is your favourite singer? A. (most kids would have said Noni from playschool but no mine was....) Madonna
When she would read to me,
the better the champagne, the better the accents of the characters in the book. She even brings it up now, she reminds me of how much of a good story teller she was.
My mum and her best friend Barb used to take me to the park with 3 bottles of chapagne and two packs of ciggies. A couple of hours later they were having a ball on the swings while i would be waiting in the car to go home.
She used to keep me home from school just for the sake of it. It would be a plain clothes day and she would tell me "you are staying at home today" i would say "mum i want to go to school and wear free dress" she would then reply with " ok well you can go to school then but i will send you in your uniform" The lack of attendance to school didn't matter however as the void was easily filled with the much more educational Bold and the Beautiful.
I was never allowed to have a Ken Doll. So from the early age of six i had already figured out the lesbian lifestyle and social networking because all of my Barbies were having it off together.
One year all i wanted for Christmas was a cabbage patch doll, i was so excited when i was opening my big present on Christmas Day. When i saw what was inside, the depths of hell opened- she had bought me a fucking boy. A boy cabbage patch doll, can you imagin? He's name was Blancroft Blain. None of the Barbies gave him the time of day.
When i was 14, i was well over the ken doll factor. What do you think i got for christmas that year? Yes a fucking Ken doll. By this stage all of the Barbies had entered into serious homosexual relationships with one another, however there was another doll that was rather lonely, so from that day Ken and Blancroft Blain stated sucking each others cock.
So here i was growing up in a world surrounded by Flash Dance, Bold and The Beautiful, Homosexual Barbies and Cock sucking cabbage patch dolls. My destiny, by this stage had pretty much been set in stone.
When i was in my teens and even now when i say "goodnight mum, love you" she replies with "yes, i like you alot"
These are just afew instances that surrounded my childhood that seemed so small at the time and now when i look back at them they really have been the pinacle points that have shaped my existence as i know it.
Nevertheless i am so happy with who i am and what i believe in and i have my mum and her passive smoke to thank for that.
All jokes aside she is the most amazing women i have ever met and i only wish that everybody could have the same relationship with their mother as i do mine.....